creating cultural connections

Have you thought about getting married (in general or to the one you’re with)? When you think about it do you get excited? Do  you get scared that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life? Do you cringe at the thought of having to someday make a choice?  Well, no matter what state of mind you may be in, this may be a good book for you to consider reading if you hope to get married someday.  It’s called Whom Not to Marry by Father Pat Connor.

If you’re a woman like me, you’ve probably spent exhausting hours in your lifetime emailing, texting, talking on the phone, or meeting with your best girl friends asking for advice about particular situations going on in your courtship (or lack thereof).  It’s definitely great to use our closest friends to confide in for support, but it’s important for us to remember that our friends are human too and may not have all the answers we need to hear.  I’m not writing this blog because I have the answers (ha! I wish!), but because I found some insight in this book and I feel it’s my responsibility to share this opportunity for anyone called to explore it.

The book is interestingly organized within the framework of those famous wedding verses of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, which offers up seven points of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I don’t know about you all but I’ve read this verse several times before and each time I interpret it a bit differently – or I just get even more confused about what God is saying love is. What I appreciate about this verse now is that even though it directly defines what love is and is not, we still have to experience and practice love on our own to truly understand this verse.  What would be so rewarding about love if you didn’t have to put in the work towards creating it?

Anyway, to give you a sneak peek of the book, I will share some favorite pieces in the book.

Seven lessons for Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never gives up.

1. Things go wrong in every relationship. It’s how you address the wrong that counts.
2. Ask your boyfriend how he defines true love; ask yourself how he lives the words.
3. If you can’t allay serious pre-wedding-day fears, don’t marry him.
4. There are many possible Mr. Rights. When you’ve chosen the man who is to be yours, rejoice in that decision and commit to it.
5. Don’t confuse the wedding with the marriage.
6. A loving, thoughtful proposal sets the tone for the emotional tenor of the marriage.
7. A forgiving spirit is a must for married life.

Wedding Bells or Warning Bells?

You’re a saver; he’s a spendthrift. Your attitude towards finances is important. How you each deal with money even more so. I’ve seen many a love match dissolve over financial difficulties. Talk candidly to your partner about your expectations before you walk down the aisle.

You’re an optimist; he’s a pessimist. You say the glass is half-empty. He says the glass is half-full. Your differing viewpoints may bring a sense of balance to your relationship, but over time they could turn into a tug-of-war. Respect each other’s viewpoints and you should be fine.

You want children; he doesn’t. Don’t marry him!

You enjoy a glass of wine; he drinks to excess. You may love a man with a drinking problem, but don’t marry him. He may promise to get help for his alcohol abuse (or his abuse for any substance for that matter), but he’s got to do so before the wedding.  And not a week or two, or even a month or two. If he’s really serious about your relationship, he’ll make sure that he’s sober for a full year before the wedding.

Love Is a Long-Distance Runner

Years ago I used to do some work in a local prison. The authorities brought down to this prison a young man from North Jersey to serve his sentence.  Every first Sunday was “visiting Sunday,” so his father would make the drive to the prison – more than two hours each way – to visit his son.  Every month, his son refused to see him.  Every month, down the father came again.  One Sunday I took the opportunity to ask the father why he persisted in his visits when his son refused to see him.

“I want him to know how much I love him,” he said. “I can’t think of any other way to do it.”

Love never gives up.