2012: A year of redemption

Any circumstance of change is difficult to overcome, but I believe that all change is for our benefit…but only if you respond. This is captured by one of my favorite quotes by Charles Darwin:

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but those most responsive to change.”

2011 marked a year of personal transformation. I’ve kicked, pushed, shoved, and had my share of temper tantrums as I confronted a call to change my life. What has been most challenging for myself is being patient. Part of the reason why I resisted was because I knew change would require a lot of time and work. I had the desire to change, but definitely didn’t have the patience to get there. But with lots of encouragement and love, I’ve stopped resisting (for the most part) and am the happiest I have ever been with myself in a long time, perhaps ever. It’s been a period of learning and listening. I realize now that I can’t rush change. I have to take an active part in it.

2012 will be a year of redemption; a year where I admit my faults and dedicate myself to change my thoughts, words, and actions. So, while some people may fear that 2012 marks the end of the world, I am determined to make it the beginning of the better me.

For all of you who have made New Year’s resolutions, really do your best to execute them. Make them realistic and set boundaries for yourself to avoid the temptation of slipping back into bad habits. Have someone you trust to hold you accountable. Don’t cheat or lie to yourself. Remember Darwin’s theory, those who are most responsive to change are those who survive.

Here’s some of the things I want to accomplish or focus on in 2012:

  1. Answering without arguing
  2. Taking out the trash
  3. Praying without ceasing
  4. Stop multitasking when something or someone needs to be the main priority
  5. Establish a change in my career whether it’s going to grad school or getting a new job
  6. Visit my best friend in Nashville
  7. Lose about 7 pounds
  8. Delete/Trash/Remove ALL inappropriate, unnecessary, unwanted things of the past
  9. No fried food for 9 of the 12 months
  10. Take a trip to the western part of the U.S.
2012
01/02
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Love or Infatuation?

I have begun reading this book called “Real Love” by Mary Beth Bonacci. It’s a really interesting book on dating, marriage and the real meaning of sex. It kinda reminds you of Mary J. Blige’s “Real Love”, huh? “I need some real looooove! Oh, I’m searchin’ for some real loooove!”

Love is a timeless subject that is talked about in songs, books, status updates, tweets – everything! It is ultimately the one thing that everyone consciously or subconsciously seeks to fulfill their lives. But unfortunately, we often fill this need for love with unhealthy habits, activities or people. Luckily, there are books like this can help us sort through the clutter and ambiguity that the world fills us with.

Love isn’t something you can see or hold, which is why so many people spend a good portion of their lives just trying to figure out where it is, how they can get it and whether or not they’ve found it. I would like to share an excerpt from the book that I believe many people in this world need help with – to discern the difference between love and infatuation in their relationships. I pray that this can be one of many bread crumbs to help you give and receive true love.

What is the difference between love and infatuation?

Love loves the other exactly as he is. Infatuation loves the image he has built of the other person.

Love is being in love with someone. Infatuation is being ‘in love with love’.

Love happens gradually, over time. Infatuation happens quickly.

In love, two people get along better as time goes by. In infatuation, fights become more frequent and more severe over time.

In love, friends and family tend to approve. In infatuation, friends and family often disapprove.

Love sees the other as an important part of his world. Infatuation sees the other as his whole world.

Love brings out the best in you. It makes you more organized, more productive and more effective. Infatuation can bring out the worst in you. It can make you less organized, less productive and less your “real” self.

Love is consistent. Infatuation comes and goes.

Love seeks to give. Infatuation seeks to get.

2011
12/15
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Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul

Remember that movie What Women Want starring Mel Gibson?  Well, consider this like the book version of What Men Want with a Christian twist and biblical stories to back it up.  To all of the men out there – this book helped give me a deeper understanding and appreciation of the male soul God created and how it compliments the role of a woman.  I have met too many young men – boys – that are completely lost and use alter egos to make up for the identity they still have yet to find.  But I have also been blessed enough to meet a few good men who really showcase masculinity in the eyes of God. Women are always asking themselves, “where are the real men at?!”  and men complain that women don’t listen to them.  Well, here’s a fast read for both men and women to get a deeper understanding of the three main things a man needs: a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue and an adventure to live.

I’m not going to spoil the book for you, so you’ll have to read it for yourself to find out all of the answers.  But I do have some afterthoughts from reading Wild at Heart.  I thought it was really interesting to see the parallels between Adam and Eve’s fall from original sin and how it pervades throughout society today. If you look at Genesis, Adam is right next to Eve when she is tempted and reaches for the apple.  What does Adam do? Nothing.  That’s exactly the point.  Yes, Eve made the mistake of believing a lie, but Adam should’ve come to her defense instead of just standing there.  How many women are in harmful, threatening, or hurtful situations and where are the men to stand up for them?  Eve then took a bite of the apple and offered it to Adam.  This was a moment where Eve was already fallen from taking the apple and what does Adam choose to do?  He decides that he’d rather fall and be with Eve than be alone.  How many men out there rely on Eve for their happiness?  How many men continue chasing after Eve out of their fear of being lonely?  And then when God asks Adam what happened, what does Adam say?  He says Eve did it, removing accountability from himself.

But let’s remember that men aren’t the only ones with faults. Women need to be accountable as much as men do and we often don’t given enough credit to the great qualities (some) men have. I learned from this book that deep within a man’s soul he is thirsting to live an adventure. That’s why the book is called Wild at Heart, duh. Many men in our world are either too passive or living a prosaic version of this book called Bored at Heart. Think about it. This society has given men a “system” of how to live: go to school for 18 or more years, get a high-paying job, and raise a family. Where does the adventure part fit in? Where is the wilderness to explore? Jesus had been in the wilderness for 40 days and it was there that he gained strength, reinforced his identity, and more importantly, grew closer to God. If men don’t ever go into their own wilderness then they will never know how to navigate their own way nor will they ever be able to lead a lady through it.

Lose yourself in the wild and you will live. Or live in this world that makes you believe you’re wild and lose…

2011
09/12
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Agony

Have you ever been in agony? Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever asked someone to be there for you only to feel alone?

Take a minute to really think about one of the most agonizing, deceitful, lonely moments of your life. Recall what those emotions feel like.

…

…

…

…

Tonight, let’s think about Jesus’ agony in the Garden of Gethsemane and pray that we, too, can carry our own cross in life like He will tomorrow on Good Friday.

I went to mass tonight for Holy Thursday to commemorate the Last Supper, only hours before Jesus would head to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray, be tempted by the devil, and be betrayed by his own disciple, Judas. I had the sense of urgency that I needed to go to church, but I still had a hard time feeling the true purpose of this particular mass. Until it was dark.

We had already celebrated the eucharist and were kneeling in the pews when, suddenly, the lights slowly started dimming. The only light glowing shined on a hanging crucifix of Jesus on the cross, creating silhouettes of two crosses beside him – a visual forecast of what is to come tomorrow. At that moment, I was touched. I realize how many times during the year I go to this same church with the same hanging cross of Jesus’ crucifixion and yet I forget its significance.

I really wish that I could recreate that moment for all of you to experience; to see when you’re in the dark.

Let’s pray for anyone in their last agony in their Garden of Gethsemane.

2011
04/21
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Wedding Bells or Warning Bells?

Have you thought about getting married (in general or to the one you’re with)? When you think about it do you get excited? Do  you get scared that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life? Do you cringe at the thought of having to someday make a choice?  Well, no matter what state of mind you may be in, this may be a good book for you to consider reading if you hope to get married someday.  It’s called Whom Not to Marry by Father Pat Connor.

If you’re a woman like me, you’ve probably spent exhausting hours in your lifetime emailing, texting, talking on the phone, or meeting with your best girl friends asking for advice about particular situations going on in your courtship (or lack thereof).  It’s definitely great to use our closest friends to confide in for support, but it’s important for us to remember that our friends are human too and may not have all the answers we need to hear.  I’m not writing this blog because I have the answers (ha! I wish!), but because I found some insight in this book and I feel it’s my responsibility to share this opportunity for anyone called to explore it.

The book is interestingly organized within the framework of those famous wedding verses of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, which offers up seven points of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I don’t know about you all but I’ve read this verse several times before and each time I interpret it a bit differently – or I just get even more confused about what God is saying love is. What I appreciate about this verse now is that even though it directly defines what love is and is not, we still have to experience and practice love on our own to truly understand this verse.  What would be so rewarding about love if you didn’t have to put in the work towards creating it?

Anyway, to give you a sneak peek of the book, I will share some favorite pieces in the book.

Seven lessons for Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never gives up.

  1. Things go wrong in every relationship. It’s how you address the wrong that counts.
  2. Ask your boyfriend how he defines true love; ask yourself how he lives the words.
  3. If you can’t allay serious pre-wedding-day fears, don’t marry him.
  4. There are many possible Mr. Rights. When you’ve chosen the man who is to be yours, rejoice in that decision and commit to it.
  5. Don’t confuse the wedding with the marriage.
  6. A loving, thoughtful proposal sets the tone for the emotional tenor of the marriage.
  7. A forgiving spirit is a must for married life.

Wedding Bells or Warning Bells?

You’re a saver; he’s a spendthrift. Your attitude towards finances is important. How you each deal with money even more so. I’ve seen many a love match dissolve over financial difficulties. Talk candidly to your partner about your expectations before you walk down the aisle.

You’re an optimist; he’s a pessimist. You say the glass is half-empty. He says the glass is half-full. Your differing viewpoints may bring a sense of balance to your relationship, but over time they could turn into a tug-of-war. Respect each other’s viewpoints and you should be fine.

You want children; he doesn’t. Don’t marry him!

You enjoy a glass of wine; he drinks to excess. You may love a man with a drinking problem, but don’t marry him. He may promise to get help for his alcohol abuse (or his abuse for any substance for that matter), but he’s got to do so before the wedding.  And not a week or two, or even a month or two. If he’s really serious about your relationship, he’ll make sure that he’s sober for a full year before the wedding.

Love Is a Long-Distance Runner

Years ago I used to do some work in a local prison. The authorities brought down to this prison a young man from North Jersey to serve his sentence.  Every first Sunday was “visiting Sunday,” so his father would make the drive to the prison – more than two hours each way – to visit his son.  Every month, his son refused to see him.  Every month, down the father came again.  One Sunday I took the opportunity to ask the father why he persisted in his visits when his son refused to see him.

“I want him to know how much I love him,” he said. “I can’t think of any other way to do it.”

Love never gives up.

2011
04/05
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Breaking Through

We’re breaking through (whoa!) We’re breaking through (we’re breaking through!)

I feel so much energy at this very moment. I just feel so hungry and thirsty for knowledge and enlightenment. I can’t believe I’m actually feeling this but this Lenten season is actually something I was really excited about. I was eager for the opportunity to use these 40 days to grow my relationship with God because He’s been my rock and I trust that He will do great things through me at His will if I just surrender to Him.  It’s such a strange feeling being at this very moment in my life where I understand why so many things happened in the past (or why they shouldn’t have but I learned from it) in order to bring me to this juncture. I can’t say everything is perfect in my life – it’s not - but I can definitely say that I feel the most spiritually clean, open, and healthy ever.

It’s only the third week into Lent but I already have some highlights of my journey.  For Lent, I decided to give up time to go to daily Mass. I’ve actually been pretty successful doing this aside from missing two days when my sister was in labor and I haven’t been good on Saturdays either. I had actually considered going to daily Mass before, but I had this fear about it. Jeez, how craven I was to fear going to daily Mass. There are so many more scary things in this world to be afraid of than daily Mass. I guess at that time I really didn’t want to do it but somehow I’ve been able to overcome that insecurity and was eager to go everyday to spend some time to worship God.

Before Lent started, I had been using this bible application on my Android phone (I love my Samsung Fascinate by the way!) where I could get daily verses, view any portion of the bible and listen along to the audio, or look up devotional podcasts.  One of the podcasts is called “Daily Bread”, which is basically a short audio version of the Catholic Mass to encourage you to attend the Mass.  I used it just to have alone time with God during my morning/evening commutes, but I definitely think it played a role in helping prepare me to go to daily Mass.  It actually continues to surprise me how many people DO go to daily Mass and also how many are around my age. It makes me feel really comforted knowing that there are lots of other people like me who are trying to walk their journey with God.  It’s like you’re in the wildnerness on your own path feeling like you’re lost and alone, but then when you go to daily Mass or bible study or anywhere else with Christians, you see that you’re really not alone; there are many others you will meet who are on their own unique journey to meet Christ.  I’m praying that even when Lent is over that I will continue to go to daily Mass frequently throughout the week. It really helps feeling part of a community and growing together rather than on your own, which brings me to my next highlight.

I was invited to a young adult bible study group and we spent like 2.5 hours reflecting and analyzing a few bible excerpts.  The common thread between all of us young professionals seemed to be feeling in limbo with this transitional phase of our life where we’re still trying to launch our careers and build an identity that is different from the one we had in college.  It felt so refreshing to hear people be real about their personal problems and issues and to have all of us come together to share encouragement and insight. At that time I was feeling pretty exhausted from life in general, but after going to that bible study I felt so ebullient about the future.  I’m planning to go again tomorrow and I’m sure it will be just as invigorating as the first session I went to.

This past Sunday I had gone to my boyfriend’s church and the message was about how God’s presence is brought through community.  I realize that the reason why I’ve been enjoying my experience going to daily Mass and bible study is because I’m able to enjoy God’s presence through other people in a community.  We are the body.

The next challenge for me will be to try setting aside longer prayer time one-on-one with God to supplement these times I spend in community.

I’m waiting to break through and say Hello!

2011
03/28
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Writer’s Guilt

I’ve neglected writing in my blog – or really any personal writing – for the past six months. I feel a sense of guilt for not having allowed my mind to frequently release the plethora of emotions and thoughts that lay within the labyrinth of my mind.

Writer’s guilt. When this happens, it feels like I have to apologize to the blank pages on my screen or in the soft-woven leaves of my journal; like my fingers have to reintroduce themselves to each letter of the keyboard or get reacquainted with the curves made when writing, “I’m sorry it’s been so long” in cursive. (yes, cursive writing does still exist).

But just like driving a stickshift, you never forget how to do it once you’ve done it.  And we’re riding…I mean, writing. Since it’s a new year, I figure this is a good time to share reflections.

Lessons

  • I need a sleek, easy and fun accessory that can keep my camera attached to my body at all times (yeah, that’s my #1 lesson)
  • If it’s not ‘no’, it means ‘maybe yes’ – Girls, this is what men think. But not only does this apply to the dating scene, but to personal life.  I have got to start saying no to things or else everyone is going to think I’m superwoman and I’m not. I am a human being, not a human doing.
  • Imagine me with the letter “D” on my forehead with my “talk to the hand” pose chanting “D-Fence” *clap, clap* “D-Fence” *clap, clap* Does this sound attractive? Nope. Gotta stop being defensive.
  • Forgiving is like playing Marco Polo. Just when you think you’re close, it goes somewhere else and you’ve got to keep searching. But it’s worth trying.
  • It’s “Let go and let God” not “let go of God.”
  • While you may unconditionally love family and friends, it doesn’t mean they know you love them by your mere existence. Love is an action.
  • Oh, and of course, don’t stop writing.

My 2011 Bucket List:

  1. Try snowboarding
  2. Try learning the conga drums
  3. Draft a family tree
  4. Make my European study abroad scrapbook (have all the materials and photos but never put it together)
  5. Do some kind of competition/performance – either a race or dance performance
  6. Take my dad to Memphis, TN
  7. Go on a girls getaway trip
  8. Buy my first bike (learned how to ride a bike finally!)
  9. Go to one of my parents’ home countries
  10. Take the GRE

Ya know, there are different types of people that celebrate the New Year – the optimists that wait to ring the new year in, the pessimists that wait to leave the old year, the fiends that use it as an excuse to party and do all of the things they say they won’t do and then do in the New Year, and the not-running-on-roman-timers that fortunately keep their stores operating on New Year’s Day.

Consider these quotes:

“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and ultimately, humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.” – Eric Zorn

“Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.” – Anonymous

Some of you won’t care and will proudly admit that you’ll repeat the same bad habits and mistakes from 2010 and beyond, but some of you truly want to make significant changes this year.  I know I do.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives,nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

Verse for 2011:

“I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.” - 2 Timothy 4:7

2011
01/02
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Latinas Redefining Success: The Virtual You

Have you seen blogs, tweets or facebook photos, videos, status updates that:

  • make your eyebrows perk up because they’re so inappropriate, disgusting or mind-boggling
  • put way too much personal business out there
  • scream vengeance
  • are so provocative you double-check to make sure you’re on the right website
  • show just how immature, unprofessional or irrational people can be

What kind of perceptions do you make about the people posting those messages?  Just like companies have a brand, people also represent their own personal brand.  Whether online or offline, it matters what you say, do, wear, and share.

That’s exactly what I had the pleasure to present and discuss at the fourth annual Latina Power Conference, “Latinas Redefining Success”, hosted by Latinas Leading Tomorrow on Saturday, May 22 at the Marvin Center of George Washington University in Washington, D.C.


When I first became an LLT board member seven months ago, I had no idea what previous conferences had been like, but I knew it was important to the advancement of the young middle and high school Latinas in Arlington County, Va. To this young generation, learning to write, let alone in cursive, seems archaic in a digitally dependent society.  The goal of my presentation was to offer highly-relevant and valuable insight for these ladies to understand how they can use social media in positive ways to redefine their own success.  Your online brand supplements your offline brand to make one holistic YOU.

Sharing The Virtual You ten commandments and checklist from my presentation – just in case you want to evaluate the virtual you.

The Virtual You + The Real You = Your personal brand

Virtual You_Ten Commandments

Virtual You_Checklist

2010
05/26
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I can walk on water, too

Sometimes you need new beats and lyrics to nourish the soul.  I discovered Britt Nicole about two weeks ago when I was driving on my way home from D.C.  I was listening to 91.9 FM when I was captivated by her song, “Walk on the water.”  Do you ever feel like there are moments God really puts things in front of you to speak to you?  Well, that’s how I felt about her song.  I felt like I needed to hear the message of her song – to have courage.  For the last two weeks, I didn’t know the name of the song nor who sang it.  I finally found out it was “Walk on the water” by Britt Nicole so I decided to download her album today and I am really feelin’ it!

My favorite songs so far:

  • Walk on the water (obviously)
  • Like a star
  • Headphones
  • How we roll

Hope  you all give a listen to Britt…maybe her words will inspire you to walk on water, too.

2010
05/02
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Oh, Pepsi, refresh your project

Dear Pepsi,

I used to like you in fountain drinks.  I occassionally will drink you if you’re the only option when craving sugar + fructose syrup + carbonated water.  But, in recent years, I have found myself reverting to my childhood friend, Coca-Cola.  A friend and I used to come up with random commercials for Coke while we studied abroad in Ecuador and thought of Spanish versions.  You should’ve thought about coming to us before making fools out of yourselves with this “Yo Sumo” campaign for the 2010 U.S. Census.  Even we could’ve told you that “Yo Sumo” actually means “I add” in Spanish.  The correct form would be, “Yo cuento,” as the verb contar can have different meanings – to count numbers/money, to tell a story, or to count as a person.

This is a prime example of why it’s so important to have culturally competent marketers.

Hmm…perhaps you were subconsciously trying to reach the Asian consumer market instead.  I mean, you did use the word ‘sumo’ and for some reason those Pepsi logos immediately make me think of Korea’s flag.

Well, Pepsi – you may want to take a sip of your own campaign – Refresh your project.

Always,

Coca-Cola (fan)

2010
04/21
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